My Spiritual Journey
by Joel Seltzer

I was nearly eight years old when I first arrived at Camp Ramah in the Poconos. My parents decided to spend the summer as staff members and my sister and I were effectively dragged along. This was my first summer camp experience and I can still tasted the apprehension. I was immediately intimidated by my surroundings. I remember the reluctance with which I entered that summer. I was completely unaware of the tremendous impact of that day. This was the beginning of a spiritual journey that led me to want to become a rabbi. This was the beginning of my personal relationship with God.

My parents had been campers and staff members at Camp Ramah when they were teenagers. I had heard the stories of how they first met at camp, and how camp transformed them. Both my parents used Camp Ramah to inject a new level of observance into their secular homes. They decided to return in 1988 in order to reconnect themselves with traditional observance. They hoped that camp would instill in their children what it had instilled in them: a passion for Jewish ritual and observance.

In each of my nine summers as a camper, I learned more about who I was. It was through Camp Ramah that I truly learned what it means to be Jewish. It was there where I experienced my “Jewish firsts.” When I was nine years old I remember struggling to learn the Hebrew for my first aliyah. When I was ten, I overcame my nervousness and led t’filot for the first time. As I grew older, my passion for Jewish learning grew as well. When I was thirteen I had my first real experience in the study of Torah. Rabbi Alan Lucas taught a class about the concept of b’tzelem elokim, and it was with him that I realized the incredible reward of studying Torah. I was actively participating in a spiritual discussion which the great rabbis had discussed centuries before. I felt as though we were able to converse with people such as Rashi and Rambaum through our incredible kitot. This was my first introduction to the joy of studying Torah.

Likewise, it was at Camp Ramah where I first experienced the true power of prayer. Whereas earlier in my experiences it was enough to say the Hebrew and lead the services, now I found myself searching for the true meaning of the prayers. I focused on the meaning of the words; I learned to concentrate on their content. One t’fillah experience stands out in particular. As a camper in the oldest age group, one night we had the privilege of staying up all night engrossed in edah activities. The long night concluded with a hashkamah minyan in the outdoor synagogue. As I read birkot haShachar I concentrated on the meaning of the phrase: “ha notain la’yaef koach.” I felt as if God gave me the strength to overcome my tiredness in order to achieve a monumental experience. The experience climaxed as my edah recited the kiddusha. There, in the holiest part of the service, the sun broke through the clouds and began to shine. I felt as if God had heard my prayer. This experience introduced me to possibility of conversation with God through prayer.

Although these experiences helped to shape my Jewish identity, I truly felt the impact of Camp Ramah in my four years (and counting) as a staff member. I entered my years on staff with the goal to give back to camp what I had received – a meaningful and spiritual Jewish experience for the campers. I found in my experiences as a staff member my greatest reward. I also grew into the role of teacher through my work at Camp Ramah.

One of the most tangible rewards of being a counselor was instilling a love of Torah in my campers. Every Shabbat afternoon I had the tremendous opportunity to lead my bunk in an open discussion about Jewish texts and concepts. This class (shiur ben arbayim) became my favorite part of each week. I found that I could encourage my campers to think about their own relationships with God. I found that through these classes my campers grew to love learning Torah. Likewise I think I was able to instill in my campers the importance of chevrutah study. I stressed that these discussions would not have been as valuable had it not been for their intimate knowledge of one another. I feel like my experiences as a counselor have been the most rewarding of my life. This past summer, when one of my campers related to me that shiur ben arbayim was his favorite part of the week, I know that I wanted, and needed, to become a rabbi.

My experiences at Camp Ramah have led me to examine my relationship to Jewish life and tradition. This examination has been an arduous and taxing journey of self-exploration. I knew that I loved being a Jew. I loved every tiny detail of observance. I loved the quietude of Shabbat. I loved the power of personal prayer. However, for years I struggled with the concept of maintaining my observance outside of the eiruv of Camp Ramah. At the end of every summer there seemed to be a battle between my observant self and my secular self. In my four years as a university student, I have fought this duality every year. This year I have found a way to reconcile my secular and my religious self. I am comfortable with my secular life, while at the same time I live an observant, religious lifestyle.

The conclusion that I made was one that fills me with pride and excitement. I realized that it is not enough to be Jewish for nine weeks in the summer. I realized that I needed to increase my observance even when it was difficult. Going to school in a town such as Tallahassee, Florida presents many obstacles to Jewish observance. The absence of a strong Jewish community made observance of kashrut and Shabbat especially difficult. However, I have decided to increase my religious observance despite these obstacles. The fact of the matter is that observance of Jewish rituals makes me a more complete Jew and a better person. I am now fully dedicated to my observance outside of the friendly confines of Camp Ramah.

Currently I am finding more ways to increase my levels of observance. I am dedicated to the laws of kashrut, which effectively makes me a vegetarian in Tallahassee. Also I am an active member in Congregation Shomrei Torah in Tallahassee, seeking new ways to participate in the community. By taking a position of leadership in the congregation, I feel as though I am helping to create a k’hilah kedosha in Tallahassee. Recently I have committed myself to being shomer Shabbat at school and at home, and also to wearing a kipah at all times. Despite the fact that these recent additions were not part of my childhood observance, nonetheless I feel a personal obligation to observe these mitzvoth. I am a different Jew now than I was in my childhood. I am more spiritually aware of my connection with God. I feel more attached to the tradition of the Jewish people. I feel better about myself because I fulfill these mitzvoth.

I feel the need to learn about every aspect of Judaism. Through my own education I hope to educate others. Thus, I have decided that I need to be a rabbi. I feel that a career as a rabbi will give me true spiritual fulfillment. Through the rabbinate I feel I could do countless good for others. I hope to give back what my Jewish educators have given to me. Like Rabbi Lucas did for me. I want to show a new generation of Jews the joy in studying Torah. If I could give back to Judaism one iota of what I have gained, then I would lead a fulfilling life. I feel this holy calling. Rabbi Jack Riemer once said to me, that like a cow grows sick if it does not give milk, so too does a teacher grow ill if he or she is unable to teach. This metaphor illustrates my intense desire to be a teacher.

In conclusion, my spiritual journey has been a long road towards religious observance. Although Camp Ramah has shaped much of my formative religious experience, I have learned to appreciate Judaism outside of Ramah. Although I struggled to reconcile the duality of a religious and a secular life, I have concluded that being a rabbi is what I need to be. I know that my spiritual journey is far from over. I hope that my years as a student at the Jewish Theological Seminary will lead me to a new level of spiritual fulfillment. I hope my journey will continue to lead me along a path of religious observance, culminating in the creation of a Jewish home in which to raise my children. Finally, I hope that as a rabbi I can effect the future success of Conservative Judaism in America. I hope that I can show others the incredible reward of living a Jewish life.

Our thanks to Joel Seltzer of Camp Ramah in the Poconos for sending us his entrance essay to the rabbinic school at the Jewish Theological Seminary (yes, he was accepted!!!). 

If you would like to share your experiences, e-mail us at ramah@jtsa.edu.